People say that the lord doesn’t give you more then what you can handle. If that is the case he must hold me in high regard. All my life I have been blessed by him only to be followed up with devastation, however I keep my faith. I keep telling myself that the lord has a plan for me. I keep telling myself that he will not forsake me.
I have this voice in my head telling me to give up, it gets stronger by the day. I know I can’t let it consume me. So I find myself seeking help from the bible I would read from the book of job and I now consider myself the modern day Job. The lord has put his faith into me that he is allowing all this pain and suffering to happen to me to prove to the devil that my devotion to the lord will never be broken. I will not let the devil win.
Mobile, Alabama
6:00pm
“A Penny for your thoughts?” She asked as she poured me another shot.
I lifted my head and looked over at her shaking my head from left to right letting her know that I had no interest in sharing my thoughts with her. With my left hand I reached over to the shot and pulled it in close and held it up to my nose. The smell of the liquor lingered and my mouth watered and without any hesitation I tipped it back and chased it with what was left in the bottle of beer that I had ordered earlier.
“Another?” she asked as she reached for the shot glass.
“No thanks, but could you ring up my bill and call me a cab” I replied as I reached for my wallet and pulled out my credit card and slid it to across to her.
“Sure thing, Hun!” she ran my card and handed me back the card and receipt before getting on the phone to call me a cab. “They should be here any moment Jackson.” She said as she smiled and pointed to a picture of Dylan, Sean and me from several years ago.
I turn and exited the bar, once outside I made it to the curb and stood there looking at what was my history. Deep inside of me it felt right that I am back home in Mobile! After a few moments the cab pulled up in front of me I entered the back seat “Maple-lawn cemetery, please!” I replied as the driver turned and looked at Me.
The driver nodded his head in agreement and pulled away from the bar and started heading down the road.
As we arrive at the cemetery you could see a 1983 light blue charger parked out front. I didn’t really think anything of it. “Sir if you don’t mind could you come back in about an hour and pick me up?” I asked as I reached into my pocket and gave him a fifty dollar bill letting him know I was good for the money.
“Sure thing man.” he said
I exited the car shutting the door behind me. I started walking toward the cemetery but for some reason my eyes was drawn to that car. I recognized that car but just couldn’t pin point where or when. “Hmm…” puzzled, but right now I decided to let it be and continued on my way.
There was a light breeze that blew the leaves across the path that I walking. On my way I stopped by a grave it had fresh flowers planted. I stopped and knelt down and closed my eyes. “I can still see your smile. My baby girl!” I said as I took my hand placing it on the headstone.
Then out of nowhere I heard my name being shouted from a close distance “Jackson… What are you doing here?
I sprung up and turned and saw her standing there looking at Me. “It’s not what you think Ashley! I was on my way to the family plot and I saw how Autumn’s grave was decorated. I had to stop and say hello to my little girl.” I said with a calm voice.
“I thought we went over this, she was not yours. I got pregnant before I was with you. I just used you.” She said as she slapped me pushing me away from the grave. “Please, just leave…” she screamed.
I didn’t want to cause any more problems so I kept my mouth shut about the paternity test that was done and turned and walked away. I made my way down a path that was hidden from the rest of the cemetery where only a few graves was located. I stood there and looked at one particular grave for a moment; the last time I was here was almost two years ago when we lowered my best friend into the ground. I walked over to the grave and sat down on the ground next to it. I still can’t believe that the name on it is Dylan Cage.
I took in a deep breath and exhaled before talking. “Sorry Dylan… I haven’t come to see you as often as I should.” pauses “My life has been hectic the last year. I am sure Kandra has told you I have another baby. Her name is Penelope and she has me wrapped around her finger.” I said as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a picture of her placing it at the bottom of the headstone.
“Who would of thought it I have three adorable children? Well four actually the guardian angel Autumn… Cancer took her away from the world to early. I live my life in constant fear of it taking another piece of my life away.” Feeling a loss for words I sat there shaking my head.
“You are one of only two people that truly know me Dylan. I keep things bottle up and then I explode. You and Sean are the only ones that could keep me from exploding and well you are no longer here and I pushed Sean outside of my life. I’m afraid of what is going to happen. I have suffered so much loss in my life that I am at a breaking point.” I said as I looked over at Eric’s grave then over at my father’s grave. “I find myself drinking more and more every day. I don’t want to end up like Chris Ahslen who had all the potential in the world but would rather drink his problems away.” I said. Before I could go on talking I heard the voice of Kandra from a distance.
“Then don’t Jackson!” She said as she came over with some flowers in her hand and places them on the ground in front of the grave. She then looks over at me and laughs before speaking. “You know you and Sean are so much alike I swear if I didn’t know you two I would say you are twins or at least share the same brain.
“ouch that hurt... What’s your problem Kandra?” I asked “Is it that time of the month for you?” I asked!
She slapped me across the face as hard as she could. “How dare you Jackson…” She stands up and turns her back toward me. “You need to leave. For you to talk to me that way over my husband’s grave is just disrespectable.” She uttered…
Knowing that I overstepped the boundary of our friendship I couldn’t say anything to her so as I stood up a note fell out of my pocket hitting the ground. “Dylan, bro I am sorry for the way I spoke to Kandra. It was out of line and uncharacteristic of me. I have nothing but respect for her. I ask that you please continue to watch over my children from up above brother and know that there will be a day when we will see each other again. Love you man!” I said quietly as I turned and walked away.
Kandra turned toward the grave and noticed the note. She picked it up and opened it she read what was written in it. She shook her head and looked at Dylan’s grave. “Honey you had a full time job keeping Jax and Sean straight didn’t you. You should of warn me about them two they have issues and I am now worried about Jax’s mentality I need to go find him. I love you baby and I will take care of your brothers for you. She said as she turns and chases after me. She finally catches up to me just outside the cemetery. “Jackson stop!” she yelled.
I stopped and turned around looking at her as she slowed down. “Kandra I am truly sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking or what I was doing.” I pleaded my case to her.
“Shut up Jackson… I am over it! I want to know what this note is about.” she said as she threw the note at Me.
“Where did you get that?” I asked.
She grabbed me by my shirt and pushed me back. “Do you really want to ask me those questions? Tell me what this note is about, Now!” the tone of her voice became stern.
I didn’t want to push my limit with her because I know how she can get when she is pissed so I decided to tell her the truth. “Kandra I am tired of losing people who mean something to me. So…” She interrupts me.
“So you decided to be a coward and kill yourself… What the hell happened to you Jackson? Ya..Ya.. You use to take charge of life. You have changed and it all points to one event. Sean was right that French whore you got with ruined you Jackson. She spoken with such passion that there was no stopping her.
I was shocked, I have never heard Kandra sound so harsh before I could even say anything she cuts me off.
“What about your children? What about DJ all he can talk about is going to Houston to watch you wrestle for Chimera. He tells me that you have been working your ass off to become the first Chimera All-Pro champion. What do you want me to tell him that you are too much of a coward that you took your own life rather than face the obstacles in your life?” she looked at me her eyes was filled with water.
“Kandra, that letter is not what you think it is. I go to a counselor who helps me deal with the constant changes in my life. I carry that note around when I start to feel pressure I add to it. Now that French whore you spoke of is the mother of Christian, Jacques, and Penelope although she hurt me bad, and I hate her with a passion right now she is the mother of my children. I ask that when I have them if I could find them to please not speak ill of her in front of them. I said as I grabbed a hold of her and pulled her in for a brotherly hug. “Besides sis, I made a promise to Dylan that I would be here to look out for you and DJ.
Kandra looks down at her watch and back at me. “Jackson wow look at the time, I have to get over to Sean and Kayleigh’s house Sean doesn’t like the idea of me driving his Charger. I would invite you to come but you and your brother has some issues to deal with. However I will give you a ride to wherever you are staying at. she says with a smile on her face.
“I don’t know about that, I know Dylan wanted me and Sean to work out and talk but I just don’t know. However I will take you up on that offer for the ride. I need a ride to the regional airport I am going to catch the next available flight back to New York. I replied as we turned and walked over to Sean’s Charger.
[Rec]
Going For Gold
New York, New York
5:00 pm
Usually I don’t do this shit, I hate to talk about me but I guess it’s time to reintroduce the wrestling fans to Jackson Ford. Over the last year I have been off the grid with the exception for that stint I did in Fight One. To be honest Fight one is nothing but a backyard pipe dream of two individuals. I am not here to talk about Fight one, I am here to talk about… hmmm… Me. You know Wrestling is my sanctuary. I am a complete different man when I am inside the ring than I am when you see me in the street. When I am inside the ring I am free. I am free from the drama of my personal life. I am free to be me. Well let me recant what I said about being free. I am actually not free but I am in control. Instead of allowing the fear of what might happen in a wrestling ring to control me I and control the outcome.
Since word broke about me signing a contract with Chimera, I have been asked Why chimera. People told me I would be great in bigger organizations like Supreme Championship Wrestling, Boardwalk Wrestling and so on. That may be true, but I wouldn’t be facing the type of talent I am facing here. These guys in this promotion are hungry. The guys in the bigger promotions are there just to collect a check. Take for example Lucas Knight, When was the last time he was relevant? Or William Mason, he is washed up. Hunger, Competition, and drive is why Chimera and that is why I love the indie circuit. The fans… The excitement… it’s all rolled up into one. The true wrestling fans pile into small venues, they become part of the action. They let you know if they like you, they let you know if they don’t like you. It is a fucking rush to me. It is my own drug I feed off the fans reaction rather they hate me or love me. In these big promotions you get nothing, yeah there are fans but they are not the same they are bandwagon jumpers, they cheer for whomever is the flavor of the month. The Major promotions are all about the bottom dollar. They don’t care about the pure art form of professional wrestling. I spent a majority of my career putting my body on the line in Chaotic Cage matches, Tower of doom matches ladder of matches just so the big boss can make the bottom dollar. Its greed and they are only in it for the money. Chimera is in it for the art form. Ryker Prins wants to bring back wrestling, in my opinion I want to be the man to help him do that I am willing and ready to put this company on my back and carry it. There are not many people who are willing to do so.
At the end of the night on June 28th 2015 these thirteen word will echo the building; and the winner and first ever Chimera All-Pro champion is Jackson Ford! Some people call me cocky and arrogant I call myself confident and determine. If you are not saying you will be the champion at the end of the night then why the hell would you be in this business? I know the road will not be an easy one. I know that there are fifteen other competitors in this match that are as hungry as I am. I could run down the names on the list and name every single one of them and tell you why they don’t stand a chance but that could take all night long. However I will tell you one thing that all of these guys have in common. They are not Jackson Ford. They don’t have the same drive I have. Hell some of them think they are privilege to the title just because of their size or quickness. Not a single one of them have the knowledge or the ability to control the outcome like I do. Sure people will throw names like Aaron Joseph or Cedro Martinez, trust me when I say that those two are nothing but has been. Hell I think I heard that Cedro might be a grandpa, I am not sure how true that is it’s just a rumor but if it is true, he might want to think about hanging it up before he ends up with a heart attack. And well Aaron Joseph hasn’t been relevant since his reign as a champion in what is now the defunct SCW where he was facing guys like Sean Mason, Namen Hammer, Paul Blair, Etc… Joseph has never faced a real wrestler, he has been coddled and babied most of his wrestling career. Everyone will see what I am talking about come Kingdom Come.
Look in the past I had to carry around dead weight, with my now Ex-wife riding my coat tails to fame and fortune, the funny thing about that is that Yeah I was successful but not as successful as I could have been. She drove me crazy… she tried to change me… I walked out of matches for her. I allowed people to beat on me to prove to her that I loved her. I did it all and it all was for nothing. Kingdom Come Chimera Nation will see the emergence of the true Jackson Ford. I don’t care if I have to start at the beginning of the match and work my way through everyone eliminating the whole damn roster I have one thing on my mind, and that is the title. Inside a wrestling ring I am focus, I strive for perfection. Kingdom Come, Chimera will see why they say I am Excellent by Design, and the wrestlers inside the ring will see why I say I am Dangerous by Choice. I will walk out with the Chimera All-Pro Championship and there is not a damn thing anyone can say or do about it. The only thing they can do is deal with it!
[/Rec]